Barriers to Leaving a Violent Relationship

A common question people ask is “Why does she stay?  Why doesn’t she just leave the relationship?”.  Research shows that separation can be a particularly dangerous time for women.  It is important to understand many barriers exist for a woman thinking of leaving a violent relationship.  Perhaps instead of asking “Why does she stay?” we should be asking “Why is he violent?”.

Barriers to leaving a violent relationship include, but are not limited to, the following:

• Economic necessity;
• Feeling isolated from friends, family, community support and resources;
• Fear of retaliation from violent partner;
• Threats of harm against their children, other loved ones and/or pets if they leave;
• Fear of being alone;
• Immigrant women fear deportation without partner’s support/sponsorship;
• Desire to provide children with a two-parent home;
• Fear of separation from children;
• Love and concern for partner’s well-being;
• Fear abusive partner may commit suicide if they leave;
• Fear partner may be imprisoned if violence is reported to police;
• Lack of resources or information about available resources in their region;
• Shelters are full;
• Hope and belief that partner will change;
• Cultural, religious and family pressures to stay together;
• Shame and guilt;
• Depression;
• Belief that the violence is her fault.